i’m falling in love with a King who’s trying to kill me.

“unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies…” how terrifying is that thought? how final is that action? there is so much uncertainty in death. there is an unknown that begins past the point of death.  i’m not talking about physical death although the idea of dying to self, and the sin-disease this flesh brings into the equation, is most assuredly always more painful than it’s physical counter-part. 

“the old cross is a symbol of death.  it stands for the abrupt, violent end of a human being” -a.w. tozer

“if anyone serves me, he must follow me….”, words spoken by a servant King on his way to the cross.  not a man offering a great reward for a job well done, but a man handing over justice in the form of a cross. i find for me, death is something that could happen everyday.  

i can’t get away from it.  the constant theme of death.  

what has my affections? what has stolen my heart? where do i put my hope?  that is always the place i need to begin with.  Lord you can have it.  bring death. a quick and sudden death. lets not drag this out, not this time anyway.  

and this is what i find in death, every time. that there is a Kings reward for submission.  ”…if anyone serves me, the Father will honor him” if i come into alignment with Him, i will receive a Kings reward. Honor.  i know i don’t deserve it, but that’s the beauty of it all.

I’ve found the hardest thing to do is to get honest with myself.  I’m not quite sure why this is?  It seems like I would be the perfect confidant.  giving and receiving wise counsel (to myself of course) seems like the most logical approach to the adage “you gotta take care of your own”.  its pretty easy to get honest with someone you trust.  in western civilization, the western church more specifically it seems over the years its become easier to ‘get accountable’ or ‘do life’ with a small group of people than ever before.  its not at all uncommon for even the most closed off of persons to have a regularly scheduled appointment where they can bare all and open up.  whether thats over coffee or a ‘bowl of onion-rings’.  

its even pretty easy to be honest with the Lord.  especially when we need something he has to offer. “help God I’m in a mess!!! look at me what are You going to do?!”  a familiar phrase to my lips.

so why then can we not get honest with ourselves? (jer. 17:9)

so what is it in my own life that I cant even see?

Isn’t it funny that most of the time when we are in close relationship with somebody, and I mean a close trustworthy relationship that we can see issues or problems that they can’t even see?  I’m not talking about being in close proximity with someone and judging them or weighing in on their problems and just talking about them to another.  but actually seeing into a persons struggles, their heart, and knowing they are completely blind to the fact that the ship is sinking and they are unaware. thats why it is so important to have trustworthy people around us.

so honesty is funny.  We want people to be honest with us.  And if we are following Jesus it should be on the forefront of our mind to let honesty be the rule and love the guide.  But when it comes to actually being honest with ourselves, its almost impossible.  Most of the time we are just kidding ourselves.  living with a blind spot and being ineffective.

I believe to “see” inside of ourselves it takes more than our own eyes and assumptions.  I believe this is when we need the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation the most, when it comes to matters of our own hearts.  That when we ask the Lord we would sit and wait for Him to show us what is in us. And then we would take the time to meditate on that answer.  

If I can’t be honest with myself and actually asses the situation within, how am I ever going to live a life of authenticity?  How will I ever be anything more than a man who “has a form of godliness, but lives denying its very power”? And how will the church ever progress to actually being relevant in our communities and not just talking about relevance?  

I believe honesty is vital for the well being of our souls, the relevance of ‘the church’, and the advancement of the Kingdom. Honestly.

today is a great day.  contrary to the popular 70s song, i think mondays get a bad rap.  on that note rainy days do as well. 

i’m very optimistic today because my incredible wife is back home and in action.  you don’t realize how important the job of a stay-at-home mom is until she is out of town for two days and your the stay-at-home dad giving baths/entertaining/feeding/finding (don’t ask)/comforting/chasing etc., your kids. at one point while i was changing my one year olds diaper, my three year old said “daddy your good at doing that now!”  thank you i think…? it was definitely eye opening and will most assuradely stop me next time from saying, “what do you do all day….?” (not a wise thing to say to begin with). so thank you love, you were missed deeply and you are my hero. i love you.

and not to sound like a complainer but this blogging thing is kinda tough.  i mean who has the time?? well maybe its not a time issue but more of a discipline issue? who has the discipline?! and who always has inspirational/revelatory things to say all of the time?? well, i don’t think i do so thats why i’m going to start writing as regularly as i can about whatever is on my heart/mind.  and we’ll see what comes of it.

dont over spiritualize it jody.  God is IN it all.  that’s my new mantra. 

so here we go

jw

so here we are up and running.  my first attempt at online journaling (scary), a new website (stunning), a new CD (you know, within the month of course), and looking forward to a summer that is shaping up quite nice.

i want to give some credit where credit is due and say that if you haven’t seen the new website then you need to stop reading and go there now.  no really. go.  

lionsong.org

welcome back. on we go. T.J., and Cole over at Analog did a rediculous job of doing everything i asked for and more. they took ideas i had and made them work, and were so easy to deal with. if you are in need of design or site management they do it all. they also do stickers, t-shirts, graphic design, typeography and would even have ideas for hot air balloon design if you needed it, i’m sure. check em out.

analog806.com  (analog: static + motion design)

concerning analog i believe this is the beginning of something very cool for lionsong.

so thats about it for now. i’m headed to austin next week for SMT training. highland lakes campground is a beautiful place to be in may. i’m looking forward to being with danny daughty and everyone who makes that place run.

peace like a river,

jw